Unsent Letter

While I was working, I accidentally opened a folder which I couldn't remember why I had that folder. Suddenly, tears started to fall down my eyes when I read the content of that folder.. :'( Here it is..

Hi Mahal, (just wanted to call you mahal for the last time)

It was exactly November 22, 2010 when I first met you. JayeMarr added me to the group “SINIgang”. I remember I got you mistaken by someone else with the same name as “Mickey”. I never imagined you would be so bright, so caring, so sweet and very down to earth. JayMarr started telling stories about you, but I wasn’t really listening to what he was saying since I was just interested in chatting around with the people in the group. We started joking around with the rest of the group members and we even chatted until 6 o’clock in the morning.

Honestly, that first day in SINIgang was a really great experienced. I enjoyed talking to you and knowing that I can make you smile and laugh. I started to get curious about you and even viewed your Facebook profile. I realized that you are no one familiar to me so I was just glad that I met another friend that is fun to talk with. Same events happened for the next few days. I started to fall in love with you because you had a lot of unique characteristics that is hard to find from a girl. We continued sharing stories and everything until I started to realize that I like you. I remember it was like November 27, 2010 when Khate gave me your number. It was a Saturday so you went out with your friends and you even told me that you will be back after the party.

You thought that I was joking around when I said “I’d stay up late and wait for you”. At that time I was already feeling something for you. Since Khate was even joking around about how I feel for you. But she was not aware that it was already for real. It was already November 28, 2010 around 3 or 4 o’clock in the morning when I sent a message that I was going to sleep already. You called and that was the first time I heard your voice. We had a lot of fun talking and it we finished talking like around 11AM. These continued for how many days and we just talked over the phone and in Facebook chat all day.

It was already December 01, 2010 when I started to tell you how I feel for you. But before that we shared a lot of stories and laughers about our lives and our experiences. It was like we were getting to know each other each day unintentionally. It was December 02, 2010 in the evening when I told you the truth about my feelings for you. I know you didn’t believe me at all but as the night passed by you somehow believed in me. Our conversations became more intimate and I was proving to you that my feelings for you are for real.

It was already December 03, 2010 at exactly 2:14 AM when you sent me a message saying “Huwow! By the way, I don’t have to, I believe you Ives. But isn’t it that I’m so cheap? You didn’t even court me?” I didn’t know how to react because like I’ve told you I don’t know how to court a girl. It was around 4:19 AM of December 03 when you asked me if our relationship is already finalized by that date. I didn’t know how to react because I was really happy. So I just said yes and that was the first time we exchanged the words “I Love You”. It was at exactly 4:23 AM of December 03 when you told me that you would call and make our relationship final and set the rules. I was really happy and excited because I never experienced that with anyone else.

You told me all the rules you want and when you asked me I just said “I don’t set any rules”. It was one of the happiest days of my life. That was the time I told myself “This is the last girl that I will fall in love with and she is the girl that I will marry and live my life with forever”. Days and weeks have passed and we got to know each other better. Within those days and weeks that was the time when you told me about your ex-boyfriend and your experience with him. I wasn’t alarmed about it because I know and I can feel that you don’t love him anymore. You were even supposed to come visit us here at Baguio City but you were too busy.

It was December 19, 2010 when you were supposed to visit Baguio. But instead, you were not able to come because you have a very hectic schedule. I was thinking that it is okay even though we haven’t met yet because I know time will come and we will meet. Christmas and New Year came and there were a lot of discussions, events and confusions. We stayed together and we survived every obstacle in a relationship. We even started to talk about getting married, marriage preparations, family planning and many more things about having a family. We became tighter and even our relationship.

It was January 02, 2011 when Tababee and I planned something. I wanted to do something special since it would be our first month celebration of being together. So we scrambled in a hurry because the plan of going to Manila was unexpected. So everything came out fine and we arrived in Manila January 03, 2011 5:00 in the morning. I was so happy and excited because I would finally get to meet you in person and just in time to celebrate our first month in being a relationship.

“I’ve been in the edge of the cliff too many times. This time I’d make sure that I’d grip so hard in the rope that even everyone around me would start pushing me over the cliff I won’t let go. So if it is worth it to hold my stand and face the world on my own, I’d do it. Besides, we only have one life and it is our decision if we’d stand and fight or turn around and walk away.”

At first, there was a big doubt about "HIM" but as the day goes by every Lil things grew stronger & stronger every empty spaces was filled by "HIM", to those who have been hated him I don't care about you I'm blind I'm depth, I'm in love with "HIM" Love doesn't make the world go round but "HE" makes my ride worthwhile. One word freed me ...of all the weight & pain in my life, that word is "HIM" ♥ I LOVE YOU ♥

Ikaw ang syang ligaya ko
nagbibigay sigla sa puso ko
o giliw ko, pakinggan mo
ang nais sabihin ng aking puso na...

mahal, mahal na mahal kita
hindi ako magbabago
asahan mo ito
mahal, mahal na mahal kita
ang puso ko'y iyong iyo
asahan mong maghihintay sa'yo

ang puso ko'y malulumbay
kung 'di ikaw ang kapiling sa habang buhay
pag-ibig ko'y walang hanggan
maghihintay sa iyo magpakailan pa man

mahal, mahal na mahal kita
hindi ako magbabago
asahan mo ito
mahal, mahal na mahal kita
ang puso ko'y iyong iyo
asahan mong maghihintay sa'yo

at magbuhat, ngayon at kailanman
ikaw ang iibigin
ito'y iyong dinggin

mahal, mahal na mahal kita
hindi ako magbabago
asahan mo ito
mahal, mahal na mahal kita
ang puso ko'y iyong iyo
asahan mong maghihintay sa'yo

ang puso ko'y iyong iyo
asahan mong maghihintay sa'yo

I miss those days when…

I miss those days when…

I’d stay up late chatting in Facebook and I never feel tired because I’m talking with someone whom I really enjoy talking with.

I’d just lie down in my bed holding my phone and talking to someone for hours.

I’d laugh about something together with her because we noticed that it is really funny.

I’d look at my cellphone early in the afternoon and read a text message saying “Good Morning mahal, I love you so. You should now wake up and eat your lunch”.

I’d travel to a far place, stay in my relatives house and hangout with them along with her.

I’d do the following routines: Wake up >> Take a bath >> Wait for her call >> Wait for her to arrive >> Hangout >> Eat breakfast together >> Go Home >> Sleep >> And do all the same routine the next day.

I’d travel back to my hometown, text with her the whole journey and tell her how I would miss her.

We’d talk about our future plans and talk about the things we should do so that we’d last forever.

I just miss those days so bad… But that’s just me and I have to make that the main reason to smile. Even though the reason why I have been smiling the past few months is slowly slipping away, I’ll just remember all of these things to keep me smiling forever. For this reason, I have a couple of quotes that I just thought about…

“No matter how hard we try to love someone if that someone found a new atmosphere to be happy with, all we can do is to let her be happy and sacrifice our own happiness just to see that smile on her face.”

“Taking the risk of falling in love is taking the risk of getting hurt. We cannot force someone to love us but we can show someone that we really love them by keeping them happy even though they would be happy not in your arms.”

She Changed..

It has been almost 3 months since the last time I saw her. And not only that, we don't talk, text or chat that often anymore. We broke up several times within the span of 3 months. I admit that I had to change something in my attitude that's why that happened. Guess what, I've changed and I never did the same thing again.

I am feeling some changes now. The last time I was in Manila she wanted to come to my place and live there because there are a lot of confidential things that is happening to her. Well, I waited and waited. Now it is almost 3 months of waiting but it's okay. I can wait longer if I need to. The only hard part is that I think she changed. In the span of 3 months I think she started to go out everyday for 2 straight weeks. And when I asked her why she said "She wanted to forget about me that's why she is doing that". That really hurt my feelings. She even deleted all our pictures from my Facebook account and most of the time when she calls she is drunk.

I am trying to understand everything that she is going through. But, nowadays it's becoming worse. She don't call anymore, she don't text that often anymore and when I asked her why she said she is very busy. Actually, we are both very busy these days. I don't know what will happen in the near future but I will wait forever if I need to. Her birthday has passed, she even went out of the country for her birthday without telling me but that's okay. IF SHE'S HAPPY I AM HAPPY for her. Yesterday was our 7th monthsary. I greeted her through a text message but she didn't reply. Well that's okay. All I know is that I LOVE HER SO.

I even saw a wall post saying "I like him but I love you, he wants me and you do too. But if you asked me who, it's always been you. I like his my but I like your G Style coz you're the only one my heart desires. I got to tell the truth it's always been you".

I was touched but hurt at the same time. It means that he has been hanging out with someone that he is attracted to. And she knows that this guy likes her too. Well, what could I say. All I know is that I love her so. If she is happy that way, than I don't care about my happiness anymore. What is important is that she is happy. Since she posted that in her wall I've been crying every night again. I didn't want to open up this topic to her because I know she has been undergoing a lot of problems..

But that's okay... I love her.. I love her so that I don't care about my happiness anymore. I just miss the way things were. I just miss everything. For the past few months I was a "NO LIFE PERSON" well actually until now. All I do is sleep, wake up, eat, work, take a bath, eat and sleep again. It's okay that it's been a long time that I smiled or laughed as long as I know that she is happy and she could still smile and laugh everyday. ... Yes, I do that for her.. Coz' I love her so.

April 04, 2011 - April 17, 2011

Guess what, the first time I went to Manila I stayed there for 5 days. The second time I went to Manila I stayed there for 10 days. And the third time which was April 04 - April 17, 2011 I stayed there for 14 days. I though the next time I would go to Manila I'd stay there for a month. Anyway, here is the story of the 14 days of my stay in Manila.

First day was really awesome! Actually, I went down to Manila with my brother which made my vacation better than any other vacations I had in Manila. So the first day I introduced her to my brother. Yeah, she met my brother but my brother was so tired of the trip so it was just me and her who went out. I was also tired from the trip but... Fuck that, I get to spend time with her and I didn't feel any stress or tiredness because I was with her. Well I just spend the whole night with her and we parted ways in the early morning. The next few days are really great. I get to go out with my brother and her for a few days and it is really great. I wish that could happen again in the near future.

In some parts of the vacation I just spent time with my brother roaming around Manila and explore. But, we also learned the commuting system of Manila. Anyway, one of the best days I had with her was when we went to a billiard hall with my brother and her. After that, we went to a club where she got drunk and oh wait my brother also got drunk. Hehe. Damn, I can't still forget these days. Well, other parts of the vacation is when she met my friends. At least they met her and they wouldn't think that she is fake or just a figure of imagination.

Some parts of the vacation didn't go well. But at least I can say that it was worth it. It has been months since the last time we've met and these 14 days that I spent with her is another treasure that I can remember each day of my life. By the way, we had a lot of pictures. And another thing this is also great. I also met a lot of her friends. And I can't even remember where we've been but all I know is that I am very happy being with her.

There was even a time when we were about to meet her friends and my mom called. She talked to my mom while we we're driving our way going to where we will meet her friends. Wow! Those are really unforgettable moments. And one more thing. Hehe. This was also the time that she destroyed my SIM Card because it was accidentally blocked and she bought 2 new numbers wherein our new numbers have a difference of one number. 

I will use this number forever and on her part she lost the SIM card. But who cares, these are unforgettable moments. That the important part. I love her so and I'm missing her so because this was 2 months ago.. I just wish I could turn back time.

Endless Love By: Diana Ross and Lionel Ritchie

You are my endless love. This song and video is for you. I personally made the video and I hope you would like it. I Love You So.

February 24, 2011 to March 05, 2011

To be honest, this is the best time that I went to Manila. This was my second time and we already know that things that should be done. I spent 10 days in Manila and most of the time I was with her. There were a lot of events during this time that's why we really went to different places. This is one of the most UNFORGETTABLE MEMORIES I can say because of the following reasons.

1. It was my cousins birthday, she wasn't  there during the exact day but I spent a quality time with my cousin. And it is worth it. The following day, my cousin her friend and of course her went out to go in a bar. This was really fun because it was like her birthday gift to my cousin. When we about to go home, this was the fun part. I thought that we would part ways already but instead we still went out after my cousin and her friend got home.. That was AWESOME!

2. This was also the time that we celebrated our THIRD MONTHSARY and it was the best celebration of every monthsary we had. We went in a Karaoke Bar and that was the first time I heard her sang live. Damn! She can really sing, no bullshit. And the good thing is that I got a copy of all the songs that she sang. hehe.

3. This was also the time when I spent the longest time with her. We met early in the evening and we parted ways late in the morning the next day. And I can say "What a well spent day for me and her." 

Well another good part of this vacation is that I really had a good time with her because I really got to know her that much. Most of the time we just talked about each other and the things that we wanted to do in the near future. Ohh! Wait before I forget! There was a really funny part of this vacation. Hehe. She told me to drive her car and she accidentally showed me the wrong way. So we had to switch places inside the car so that she could drive. Than, she accidentally hit the sidewalk and we had to find someone to replace the tires. Ahahaha. Shit! That was really funny and UNFORGETTABLE. 

Anyway, I was so sad to leave Manila but I promised her that I would be back in a short time. And guess what I came back.. Probably, February to April are the best 3 months of the year for me.. I love her so and I will love her forever no matter what happens.

Kailan By: Mickaela Lessey (March 03, 2011)

This is another song that she sang during our third monthsary. I really loved the way she sang this song. I was stunned and I just listened to her sweet voice. I personally edited the quality of the audio file and created this slide show for her. I wish I could hear her sing again. :(

If You Asked Me To By: Mickaela Lessey (March 03, 2011)

This is one of the songs she sang during our third monthsary. This is one of the most unforgettable moments I had with her. If I would be given a chance to experience this, I'd love it to happen again. She told me before that she would sing for me, well here it is and she can really sing.

Marry Me By: Train

Forever can never be long enough for me
Feel like I've had long enough with you
Forget the world now we won't let them see
But there's one thing left to do

Now that the weight has lifted, Love has surely shifted my way

Marry Me, Today and every day
Marry Me, If I ever get the nerve to say Hello in this cafe
Say you will Mm-hmm
Say you will Mm-hmm

Together can never be close enough for me
Feel like I am close enough to you
You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love
And you're beautiful

Now that the wait is over
And love and has finally shown her my way

Marry me, Today and every day
Marry me, If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe
Say you will Mm-hmm
Say you will Mm-hmm

Promise me You'll always be Happy by my side
I promise to Sing to you When all the music dies

We Meet Again (February 24, 2011)

It has been almost 2 months since the last time I saw her. I missed her so that I decided to travel along with my cousin and see her again. On February 24, 2011 this was the time that I saw her again. Actually it was already February 25, 2011 when I arrived at Manila. It was also the birthday of my cousin so there were a lot of activities going on. I was planning to stay in Manila for only 3 days. But I guess destiny made me stay longer. It is now March 4, 2011 and I am still here in Manila. I’ve been here in Manila for more than a week now, longer than the last time I was here.

Each time I see her when I travel going to Manila the more I get close to her. I don’t care what other people would say about my insanity or weird actions, all I know is that I LOVE HER. Since February 25 we didn’t have the chance to meet every day but every time we met I just kept on falling in love over and over again.

I am getting to know her better and she has been telling me a lot of new stories about her. She may be mysterious but she is worth loving. She may have experienced a lot of happy and sorrowful moments but it made her better as of what I see in her today. She is not telling me everything but I know she has a reason for it. This is another history in the making. If the last time I was here in Manila it was the best 5 days of my life. This time, this is the unforgettable 8 days of my life.

One more thing, most of the time we met it was just me and her. I can say that nothing compares to that experience. If this may not happen in the future, it is worth saying that “I’d do anything just to experience again this wonderful moments with her”.

Anything For You By: Gloria Estefan lyrics

Anything for you
Though you’re not here
Since you said we’re through
It seems like years
Time keeps draggin on and on
And forever’s been and gone
Still I can’t figure what went wrong

I’d still do anything for you
I’ll play your game
You hurt me through and through
But you can have your way

I can pretend each time I see you
That I don’t care and I don’t need you
And though you’ll never see me cryin’
You know inside I feel like dying
And I’d do anything for you
In spite of it all
I’ve learned so much from you
You made me strong
But don’t you ever think that I don’t love you
That for one minute I forgot you
But sometimes things don’t work out right
And you just have to say goodbye

I hope you find somone to please you
Somone who’ll care and never leave you
But if that someone ever hurts you
You just might need a friend to turn to

And I’d do anything for you
I’ll give you up
If that’s what I should do
To make you happy

I can pretend each time I see you
That I don’t care and I don’t need you
And though inside I feel like dying
You know you’ll never see me crying

Don’t you ever think that I don’t love you
That for one minute I forgot you
But sometimes things don’t work out right
And you just have to say goodbye

First Monthsary

Hana Oshi - Ives - Hana Kim

Our first month celebration was the best. She lives far away from where I live but before the day of our first month I wanted to surprise her. Well, that’s what I did and I could say that was the best 5 days of my life. We met at exactly 10:00 PM everyday and we parted ways at exactly 5:00 AM everyday. The best days of those 5 days are January 3, 2011 and January 6. On January 3, 2011 that was our first month celebration and that was the first time we met. Whew! Nothing compares to that day. I can’t explain how I felt because I was so happy to see her and be with her.

January 6, 2011 (Thursday) was also a great day. I spent the whole time with her just me and her. We just talked a lot the whole night. It felt like I never wanted to leave her side and I felt like I don’t care about anything else but her.

Those were 2 of the best days among the 5 days that we were together. But all of those 5 days could not be compared to anything else. If I would have one wish, I would wish to bring back those days and do it over and over again. There was really nothing special that we did but the essence of being together (unexpectedly) in a special day is the best. The way we shared laughter’s, stories and sadness is a complete package of what a relationship should have.

I’d treasure this forever and if there would be another chance that this would happen, I’d grab that opportunity and of course I will add it to my treasured memories again.

This Way By: Estranghero

This is the first song I wanted her to hear. She loved it and I will never forget that day that I showed her this song. I hope she would remember this song for the rest of her life.

What Can I Say About Her?

Well, what can I say about her? I think there are a lot of things I can say about her. She’s beautiful, bright, simple and sweet which everyone’s looking for in a girl. She loves to party but she doesn’t drink liquor. Yeah, I just said that. She loves to party but she really doesn’t drink liquor. It’s hard to find someone like that right? What else can I say about her, well she loves shopping, she loves shoes, she loves watches and she love cars. Did I say earlier that she is simple? Yes she is but she can also dress to kill.

She is fun to be with, you seldom see her pouting because most of the time you can see her smiling or laughing. But that’s not all, if you think she is approachable well she is not. She can dance and she can sing, well you are looking at a talented girl. I always remember she often tells me that if she was a boy she’d be a gangster and be one of the most wanted in the streets. She also loves driving, she loves making long drives and she loves going out of town. If you don’t know, she joined several beauty contests in her teenage years.

There are a lot of people who admire her because she is very helpful and caring to friends. Don’t piss her off because she will tell you that “One miss you die”. She also gets bored or pissed off with someone or something very fast. So you should keep her happy, laughing and smiling all the time.

In every person there are negative attitudes that a person has and that cannot be avoided. Well, there are a lot of negative attitudes I can say but that’s okay because I love her as is. What are her negative attitudes? Number one is, she is spoiled. So that means she gets what she wants whenever she wants something. You cannot tell her to do something if she doesn’t want to do it. She has insomnia that’s why she stays up late a lot. Don’t talk trash with her because she can talk trash better than you. She often picks on someone especially when she is bored. She is prank that’s why what you hear from her is always the truth.

The most important thing I can say to her? I love her so – I love her more than anything or everything. I love her more than my own life.

I Call This: Mr. Right

Do you think you have your Mr. right ? Then fall in love or fall in hate ? Get inspired or be depressed ? but I wonder why it is, that men are always cautioned against girls ? Anyone can handle a bad girl. It’s the good girls men should be warned again. Speak the truth or lie and cheat come on, Life is divine chaos... Embrace it... Forgive yourself. Breath. And enjoy the ride people ! GOOD MORNIN Y'ALL

This was posted: November 28, 2010 at 10:46am

Quite confusing but filled with emotional words. It is like choosing from "Yes" or "No", "Stay the Same" or "Explore". But it is true, people should be cautious in choosing before saying yes or no. Because it is true that life is a divine chaos but isn't it true that they say that there is a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow? No one has ever seen it but they are not aware what really lies at the end of the rainbow. Gold is just a figure of imagination for those who believe. But the truth is that the experience of being at the end of the rainbow is the best experience better than a pot of gold.

Being cautious about good girls and bad girls is not important. It doesn't matter if they show you something good or something bad because what is important is that you love that person. There is no such thing as  a perfect girl. Every idolized, icon of a country or respected girl or woman in the world has their own up's and down's. It is within your capability to understand this that will make things last long.

The Distance By: Evan and Jaron

The sky has lost it's color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away
I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time you're comin' back

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That with every breath I take I'm callin your name

But I can't take the distance

I still believe my feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That with every breath I take I'm callin your name

I brave fire and I brave rain
To be by your side I'd do anything
I can't take the distance

I will go the distance
I will go the miles
That's how much you mean to me

'Cause I can't take the distance
I can't take these miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That with every breath I take I'm calling your name
I can't take the distance

It's hard to remember
As long as you're away
When I find solace
There's only one way

If I Believe By: Jinky Vidal

If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I must be there
I'd swear I must be there right now with you
If I believed in miracles
I'd know that one was happening to me
But if I don't believe in paradise
Then miracles aren't real
Then someone tell me what is this I feel

I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I can't deny
If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there

If I believed in magic spells
It all would be so clear
'Cause magic spells must have brought you here
If I could see the future
I'd see if you and I were meant to be
But I don't know any magic
And tomorrow's just a dream
But something in this fantasy is real

I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I can't deny
If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there

I'm there
I'm there
If I believed.