Unsent Letter

While I was working, I accidentally opened a folder which I couldn't remember why I had that folder. Suddenly, tears started to fall down my eyes when I read the content of that folder.. :'( Here it is..

Hi Mahal, (just wanted to call you mahal for the last time)

It was exactly November 22, 2010 when I first met you. JayeMarr added me to the group “SINIgang”. I remember I got you mistaken by someone else with the same name as “Mickey”. I never imagined you would be so bright, so caring, so sweet and very down to earth. JayMarr started telling stories about you, but I wasn’t really listening to what he was saying since I was just interested in chatting around with the people in the group. We started joking around with the rest of the group members and we even chatted until 6 o’clock in the morning.

Honestly, that first day in SINIgang was a really great experienced. I enjoyed talking to you and knowing that I can make you smile and laugh. I started to get curious about you and even viewed your Facebook profile. I realized that you are no one familiar to me so I was just glad that I met another friend that is fun to talk with. Same events happened for the next few days. I started to fall in love with you because you had a lot of unique characteristics that is hard to find from a girl. We continued sharing stories and everything until I started to realize that I like you. I remember it was like November 27, 2010 when Khate gave me your number. It was a Saturday so you went out with your friends and you even told me that you will be back after the party.

You thought that I was joking around when I said “I’d stay up late and wait for you”. At that time I was already feeling something for you. Since Khate was even joking around about how I feel for you. But she was not aware that it was already for real. It was already November 28, 2010 around 3 or 4 o’clock in the morning when I sent a message that I was going to sleep already. You called and that was the first time I heard your voice. We had a lot of fun talking and it we finished talking like around 11AM. These continued for how many days and we just talked over the phone and in Facebook chat all day.

It was already December 01, 2010 when I started to tell you how I feel for you. But before that we shared a lot of stories and laughers about our lives and our experiences. It was like we were getting to know each other each day unintentionally. It was December 02, 2010 in the evening when I told you the truth about my feelings for you. I know you didn’t believe me at all but as the night passed by you somehow believed in me. Our conversations became more intimate and I was proving to you that my feelings for you are for real.

It was already December 03, 2010 at exactly 2:14 AM when you sent me a message saying “Huwow! By the way, I don’t have to, I believe you Ives. But isn’t it that I’m so cheap? You didn’t even court me?” I didn’t know how to react because like I’ve told you I don’t know how to court a girl. It was around 4:19 AM of December 03 when you asked me if our relationship is already finalized by that date. I didn’t know how to react because I was really happy. So I just said yes and that was the first time we exchanged the words “I Love You”. It was at exactly 4:23 AM of December 03 when you told me that you would call and make our relationship final and set the rules. I was really happy and excited because I never experienced that with anyone else.

You told me all the rules you want and when you asked me I just said “I don’t set any rules”. It was one of the happiest days of my life. That was the time I told myself “This is the last girl that I will fall in love with and she is the girl that I will marry and live my life with forever”. Days and weeks have passed and we got to know each other better. Within those days and weeks that was the time when you told me about your ex-boyfriend and your experience with him. I wasn’t alarmed about it because I know and I can feel that you don’t love him anymore. You were even supposed to come visit us here at Baguio City but you were too busy.

It was December 19, 2010 when you were supposed to visit Baguio. But instead, you were not able to come because you have a very hectic schedule. I was thinking that it is okay even though we haven’t met yet because I know time will come and we will meet. Christmas and New Year came and there were a lot of discussions, events and confusions. We stayed together and we survived every obstacle in a relationship. We even started to talk about getting married, marriage preparations, family planning and many more things about having a family. We became tighter and even our relationship.

It was January 02, 2011 when Tababee and I planned something. I wanted to do something special since it would be our first month celebration of being together. So we scrambled in a hurry because the plan of going to Manila was unexpected. So everything came out fine and we arrived in Manila January 03, 2011 5:00 in the morning. I was so happy and excited because I would finally get to meet you in person and just in time to celebrate our first month in being a relationship.

“I’ve been in the edge of the cliff too many times. This time I’d make sure that I’d grip so hard in the rope that even everyone around me would start pushing me over the cliff I won’t let go. So if it is worth it to hold my stand and face the world on my own, I’d do it. Besides, we only have one life and it is our decision if we’d stand and fight or turn around and walk away.”

At first, there was a big doubt about "HIM" but as the day goes by every Lil things grew stronger & stronger every empty spaces was filled by "HIM", to those who have been hated him I don't care about you I'm blind I'm depth, I'm in love with "HIM" Love doesn't make the world go round but "HE" makes my ride worthwhile. One word freed me ...of all the weight & pain in my life, that word is "HIM" ♥ I LOVE YOU ♥

Ikaw ang syang ligaya ko
nagbibigay sigla sa puso ko
o giliw ko, pakinggan mo
ang nais sabihin ng aking puso na...

mahal, mahal na mahal kita
hindi ako magbabago
asahan mo ito
mahal, mahal na mahal kita
ang puso ko'y iyong iyo
asahan mong maghihintay sa'yo

ang puso ko'y malulumbay
kung 'di ikaw ang kapiling sa habang buhay
pag-ibig ko'y walang hanggan
maghihintay sa iyo magpakailan pa man

mahal, mahal na mahal kita
hindi ako magbabago
asahan mo ito
mahal, mahal na mahal kita
ang puso ko'y iyong iyo
asahan mong maghihintay sa'yo

at magbuhat, ngayon at kailanman
ikaw ang iibigin
ito'y iyong dinggin

mahal, mahal na mahal kita
hindi ako magbabago
asahan mo ito
mahal, mahal na mahal kita
ang puso ko'y iyong iyo
asahan mong maghihintay sa'yo

ang puso ko'y iyong iyo
asahan mong maghihintay sa'yo

I miss those days when…

I miss those days when…

I’d stay up late chatting in Facebook and I never feel tired because I’m talking with someone whom I really enjoy talking with.

I’d just lie down in my bed holding my phone and talking to someone for hours.

I’d laugh about something together with her because we noticed that it is really funny.

I’d look at my cellphone early in the afternoon and read a text message saying “Good Morning mahal, I love you so. You should now wake up and eat your lunch”.

I’d travel to a far place, stay in my relatives house and hangout with them along with her.

I’d do the following routines: Wake up >> Take a bath >> Wait for her call >> Wait for her to arrive >> Hangout >> Eat breakfast together >> Go Home >> Sleep >> And do all the same routine the next day.

I’d travel back to my hometown, text with her the whole journey and tell her how I would miss her.

We’d talk about our future plans and talk about the things we should do so that we’d last forever.

I just miss those days so bad… But that’s just me and I have to make that the main reason to smile. Even though the reason why I have been smiling the past few months is slowly slipping away, I’ll just remember all of these things to keep me smiling forever. For this reason, I have a couple of quotes that I just thought about…

“No matter how hard we try to love someone if that someone found a new atmosphere to be happy with, all we can do is to let her be happy and sacrifice our own happiness just to see that smile on her face.”

“Taking the risk of falling in love is taking the risk of getting hurt. We cannot force someone to love us but we can show someone that we really love them by keeping them happy even though they would be happy not in your arms.”

She Changed..

It has been almost 3 months since the last time I saw her. And not only that, we don't talk, text or chat that often anymore. We broke up several times within the span of 3 months. I admit that I had to change something in my attitude that's why that happened. Guess what, I've changed and I never did the same thing again.

I am feeling some changes now. The last time I was in Manila she wanted to come to my place and live there because there are a lot of confidential things that is happening to her. Well, I waited and waited. Now it is almost 3 months of waiting but it's okay. I can wait longer if I need to. The only hard part is that I think she changed. In the span of 3 months I think she started to go out everyday for 2 straight weeks. And when I asked her why she said "She wanted to forget about me that's why she is doing that". That really hurt my feelings. She even deleted all our pictures from my Facebook account and most of the time when she calls she is drunk.

I am trying to understand everything that she is going through. But, nowadays it's becoming worse. She don't call anymore, she don't text that often anymore and when I asked her why she said she is very busy. Actually, we are both very busy these days. I don't know what will happen in the near future but I will wait forever if I need to. Her birthday has passed, she even went out of the country for her birthday without telling me but that's okay. IF SHE'S HAPPY I AM HAPPY for her. Yesterday was our 7th monthsary. I greeted her through a text message but she didn't reply. Well that's okay. All I know is that I LOVE HER SO.

I even saw a wall post saying "I like him but I love you, he wants me and you do too. But if you asked me who, it's always been you. I like his my but I like your G Style coz you're the only one my heart desires. I got to tell the truth it's always been you".

I was touched but hurt at the same time. It means that he has been hanging out with someone that he is attracted to. And she knows that this guy likes her too. Well, what could I say. All I know is that I love her so. If she is happy that way, than I don't care about my happiness anymore. What is important is that she is happy. Since she posted that in her wall I've been crying every night again. I didn't want to open up this topic to her because I know she has been undergoing a lot of problems..

But that's okay... I love her.. I love her so that I don't care about my happiness anymore. I just miss the way things were. I just miss everything. For the past few months I was a "NO LIFE PERSON" well actually until now. All I do is sleep, wake up, eat, work, take a bath, eat and sleep again. It's okay that it's been a long time that I smiled or laughed as long as I know that she is happy and she could still smile and laugh everyday. ... Yes, I do that for her.. Coz' I love her so.

April 04, 2011 - April 17, 2011

Guess what, the first time I went to Manila I stayed there for 5 days. The second time I went to Manila I stayed there for 10 days. And the third time which was April 04 - April 17, 2011 I stayed there for 14 days. I though the next time I would go to Manila I'd stay there for a month. Anyway, here is the story of the 14 days of my stay in Manila.

First day was really awesome! Actually, I went down to Manila with my brother which made my vacation better than any other vacations I had in Manila. So the first day I introduced her to my brother. Yeah, she met my brother but my brother was so tired of the trip so it was just me and her who went out. I was also tired from the trip but... Fuck that, I get to spend time with her and I didn't feel any stress or tiredness because I was with her. Well I just spend the whole night with her and we parted ways in the early morning. The next few days are really great. I get to go out with my brother and her for a few days and it is really great. I wish that could happen again in the near future.

In some parts of the vacation I just spent time with my brother roaming around Manila and explore. But, we also learned the commuting system of Manila. Anyway, one of the best days I had with her was when we went to a billiard hall with my brother and her. After that, we went to a club where she got drunk and oh wait my brother also got drunk. Hehe. Damn, I can't still forget these days. Well, other parts of the vacation is when she met my friends. At least they met her and they wouldn't think that she is fake or just a figure of imagination.

Some parts of the vacation didn't go well. But at least I can say that it was worth it. It has been months since the last time we've met and these 14 days that I spent with her is another treasure that I can remember each day of my life. By the way, we had a lot of pictures. And another thing this is also great. I also met a lot of her friends. And I can't even remember where we've been but all I know is that I am very happy being with her.

There was even a time when we were about to meet her friends and my mom called. She talked to my mom while we we're driving our way going to where we will meet her friends. Wow! Those are really unforgettable moments. And one more thing. Hehe. This was also the time that she destroyed my SIM Card because it was accidentally blocked and she bought 2 new numbers wherein our new numbers have a difference of one number. 

I will use this number forever and on her part she lost the SIM card. But who cares, these are unforgettable moments. That the important part. I love her so and I'm missing her so because this was 2 months ago.. I just wish I could turn back time.